


i'll be your all or nothing (so what's the outcome?)

by calumhoods



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Breaking Up & Making Up, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Mild Smut, idk this fic is just stupid
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-08
Updated: 2015-02-08
Packaged: 2018-03-11 03:45:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3312683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/calumhoods/pseuds/calumhoods
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>His eyes are starting to prickle and his chest starts tightening at the memory of that night Zayn woke him up, with tears in his eyes, the words <i>I’m leaving, Ni, I’m sorry. I’m not coming back. I love you</i> coming out of his mouth. It <i>has</i> been three months and Niall still remembers that night vividly as if it happened just last night.</p><p>or, the one where Zayn and Niall broke up and both of them start over.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i'll be your all or nothing (so what's the outcome?)

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! So this is my second fic and I don't even know what made me write this. I guess I was just so pumped for OTRA and ziall dancing on stage and I wanted to write a different kind of reunion fic about them. This is unbeta'd (i really need to find a beta though) and very random. But I hope you enjoy it!
> 
> Title is from The Outcome by Nina Nesbitt bc this was pretty much the song I was listening too while I wrote this.

   Niall takes a deep breath as he starts sorting his closet out. His pants were dumped in a not-so neat pile by his bed, right beside an equally messy pile of shirts. He takes one pair of socks out and that’s what it took for his handkerchiefs to go toppling down his feet. He finally huffs an annoyed breath and throws his skinny body into his bed where Harry is sprawled half-naked. Harry yelps.

 

   “Oi, I’m not your bed,” the younger lad says, half-heartedly shoving Niall off his body. “Get off me, you twat.”

 

   “I can kick you out of my _flat_ if I want to, Hazza, I can do anything I want with it,” Niall retorts, biting at Harry’s nest of a hair. “And your hair smells like grease.”

 

   Just then, Liam walks in with two takeout in each hand. He shakes his head fondly at Harry and Niall, carefully places the boxes on top of the bedside table, and dives into the pile of tuxedos.

 

   “Oi! I just piled them up!” Niall scolds, mockingly appalled by his best friend’s action. “Liam, get off my pile of tuxedos will ya?”

 

   Liam’s eyes soften and he sighs. Niall _knows_ they’re going to have the talk. He _knows_ Liam will inevitably ask about it but Niall. Niall is not ready. It’s only been three months and he’s not sure if that’s enough time to even move on from the four-year relationship he had with Zayn. He groans at the thought of the brown-eyed, raven-haired man he has loved for as long as he could remember.

 

   “Li, I’m not ready,” Niall whispers so softly he doubts even Harry heard it.

 

   Apparently, Liam did. “Yes, you are, Ni. You’re holding yourself back from talking about it because you’re _scared_ of admitting you still love him even…even after all these and, I don’t know, maybe you still do and keeping it to yourself won’t help.”

 

   Harry scoffs. “That’s rich coming from someone who _wallowed in self-pity_ for, like, three weeks after you and Dani broke up.” That earned him a shove from Liam and pinch from Niall. “Ow! I am the most abused person here and if this won’t stop I’m leaving both of you.”

 

   “Anyway,” Liam continues, pointedly ignoring Harry’s bickering. “Niall, talk about it, yeah? It’ll feel make you feel better.”

 

   Niall sighs. His eyes are starting to prickle and his chest starts tightening at the memory of that night Zayn woke him up, with tears in his eyes, the words _I’m leaving, Ni, I’m sorry. I’m not coming back. I love you_ coming out of his mouth. It _has_ been three months and Niall still remembers that night vividly as if it happened just last night. He eventually lets the tears fall down his eyes and lets out a choked sob as he feels Harry’s arms snaking around his torso and Liam wrapping his arms around Niall’s.

 

   “It’s just…he _told_ me he’s never leaving me and—and everything was perfectly fine. I don’t even know what I _did_ and, like, I know he’s been completely loyal to me because I know when he’s lying and I love him so much. Fuck, I don’t even know if he still _cares_ about me. I—God, I still love him.”

Harry coos and kisses Niall’s cheek, whispering soothingly as the Irishman sobs into Liam’s arms. For a long, long time he has denied that fact and now it’s completely palpable and Niall feels a heavy weight lift off his shoulders.

 

   “Okay, we’ll eat the food I bought and we’ll sort out your closet, yeah?” Liam says. “You’re getting two tonight.”

 

   “Heeey,” Harry says in mock-annoyance, “how come I never got to get two boxes when I cried when we watched _The Fault in Our Stars?_ ”

 

   “’Cause you’re a twat, that’s why.” Liam throws a pillow at Harry and the curly-haired boy growls.

 

   Niall has never felt better since that night Zayn left.

-

   “Oh, Jesus, thank you for these muffins,” Harry moans as he takes a bite of the chocolate chip muffins he ordered. “Niall, you should taste this, it’s like dying and going to heaven to taste the clouds there and reincarnating.”

 

   “Clouds are made of water vapour, Harold,” Liam frowns, looking fondly at his friend.

 

   “Yeah, I know that, but you get the point.” He takes another bite and Niall _swears_ Harry made the most obscene noise Niall’s ever heard. Except when he and Zayn have sex. Niall takes a deep breath. _Get a grip of yourself, Horan_ , he reminds himself.

 

   “No, I don’t, and _I ordered_ that muffin so it’s practically mine.” Liam reaches for the saucer and Harry smacks his hand away with an _I suggested you order it so back off_.

 

   Just then, Niall's phone vibrates. He clicks it open and nearly chokes on the tea he was drinking when he sees it’s a text message from Zayn. _Hi niall :)_ , it says. He almost wanted to throw his phone across the café.

 

 He types different messages varying from _U r a fecking idiot nd u still have the damn guts 2 txt me fuck off_ to _Babe i still love u cme bck home nd we’ll start again yeh_. Of course, he texts neither of those. Instead he settles for _hiya z! havent heard from u in a while hows it going mate_. Niall hopes the “mate” stings Zayn as hard as it did to Niall.

 

   “Who’re you texting?” Harry asks, blatantly trying to read whatever is in Niall’s phone.

 

   “No one,” Niall says. He can’t seem to hide the grin he has on his face. The fucking ex still has that effect on him. Jesus.

 

   “But you’re smiling! Oh my, God, did you meet someone new? Is he cute? Is he hot? How good is he at fucking?”

 

   “For Christ’s sake, Haz, Niall doesn’t fuck random strangers and keep contacting them after sex,” Liam says, successfully stealing the muffins from Harry.

 

   “Well, Niall _did_ meet Zayn through a one night stand so it kind of makes—alright, I’m sorry I shouldn’t have said that.” Harry has a ridiculous apologetic look on his face, green eyes glistening, and it makes Niall want to kiss his cheek and wrap him in a cocoon of protection.

 

   “S’okay, Haz,” Niall says, kissing the other lad on the neck. “And it was Zayn. Zayn texted me.”

 

   As if on cue, a string of messages attacks Niall’s inbox, making his phone vibrate continuously.

 

   _“mate” ok I can deal with that_

_i’m good MATE how abt u_

_fuck ok lou wont stop looking @ my phone the fucking dick_

_sorry_

_so um u free we need 2 tlk_

_about u knw_

_there’s something i need to tell u_

_is that ok_

_????????_

_msgs arent sending :(((((((((((((((((((_

_ok there u go_

_sorry again_

 

   Niall’s feelings are a mix of anger and fondness and _endearment_ and dread and he _knows_ he shouldn’t talk to him when he’s not ready to face Zayn. But.

 

   But his heart is beating fast and his hands are sweaty where his phone is held and his thoughts are a little hazy reading the texts from Zayn. He ends up showing the boys the messages and he was surprised when they agreed with Zayn. Niall is hesitant. He knows nothing good will come out of this conversation and he’ll end up regretting it but he misses seeing Zayn’s face so much he finds himself texting _ok my classes end @ 5pm i’ll meet you @ paul’s yeh_.

 

   Harry has a dreamy look on his face when he says, “Aw, young Nialler, meeting up with his ex where he first met him. Isn’t that sweet Lee-yum? This calls for another muffin.”

 

   “This isn’t a fucking chick flick, you cunt,” Niall, who is now _blushing_ , snaps. “Liam, tell him this isn’t a chick flick.”

 

   “Harry, this isn’t a fucking chick flick and go buy your own muffin because this is _mine_ ,” Liam says seriously.

 

   Harry laughs. “I buy muffins every single night, Payno, I thought you already know that.”

 

   “You know what,” Niall says as he takes one last sip of his tea, “I sometimes wonder why I am friends with an idiot like you.”

 

   “But you still love me more than Liam,” he says with a wink as he places his shoes on top of the table and rests his head on his folded arms in his back. “But no shit, though, Ni, I’m here for you, yeah? Like, you can talk to me whenever you want. You can call me anytime. If you want me to buy you ice cream in the middle of my class with Cowell I will ditch him because I love you and shit.”

 

   Liam face softens and there is a fond look on his face as he stares at Harry.

 

   “So, yeah, whatever the outcome of your meeting is, Li and I are _always_ here.”

 

   Niall places a hand in his chest and wipes an imaginary tear off his cheek after listens to Harry babble. “Love you, boys!”

 

   Zayn replies with _ok ni see u there ! :) x_. Niall smashes his head on the table.

-

 _Paul’s Deli_ is a diner that serves killer burgers, amazing milkshakes and fries that are to die for and Niall and Zayn always came here after their classes, when they know they’re both too tired to even make dinner. This is also where they first met, Niall and Liam were seniors in high school and Niall had been very drunk from Josh’s party and he and Liam decided to eat something before they went home.

 

Zayn hadn’t been equally drunk but was drunk enough to flirt confidently with Niall and soon enough, Niall had sexiled Liam and Zayn had left Louis on his own devices and both boys just hit it off. That was how it all started. Niall’s chest tightens for the tenth time in the past fifteen minutes.

 

   As per usual, Zayn is ten minutes late and when he does finally come, Niall was surprised by the older lad’s new hair. It had been shaved off on both sides and the remaining length of his hair is brushed to the side and he looks _so fucking hot_. Niall unconsciously runs a hand through his hair. It’s been a long time since he last dyed it blonde, now it looks more dirty blonde.

 

   Zayn runs into the isolated booth Niall had chosen, hair bouncing with every step. “Ni! Sorry I’m late, Lou had a panic attack over a fucking date and I had to put up with him being dramatic over his clothes.”

 

   “S’okay, Z,” Niall says with a laugh, flushing at the intensity of Zayn’s gaze on him. He looks like a fucking Gucci model with it and Niall, not for the first time, wonders why Zayn isn’t on the cover of Vogue. “You’re not Zayn if you aren’t late, eh?”

 

   Zayn laughs at that, eyes crinkling at the corners, tongue pressed against his teeth. Niall inwardly sighs at how he misses that smile. “Got me there! Look, I’m so glad you agreed to this. It means a lot, to be honest.”

 

   “Eh, don’t mention it,” he says with a hopefully nonchalant shrug. “It’s worth seeing my ex’s new hair isn’t it?” _But don’t people cut their hair after break ups to start again,_ Niall thinks.

 

   “You’re funny,” Zayn deadpans. “Your blonde is starting to fade, too. When did you last dye that?”

 

   “Haven’t dyed it since…” Niall struggles for the right thing to say because saying “their break up” is apparently not as easy as he thought it would be.

 

   “Oh, right. Okay, dye soon, yeah?”

 

   Niall wanted to rip the hair off his hair, punch Zayn’s stupidly beautiful face and set the whole diner on fire. He expected their conversation to be straight up and immediate. The elephant in the room is too big for him to ignore now and if they don’t talk about it, Niall might actually do the things he wanted to do.

 

   He takes a deep breath. “What did you want to talk about?” he snaps rather violently.

 

   Zayn squirms under Niall’s heavy gaze and it makes Niall feel something really close to satisfaction.

 

   The older lad didn’t reply so Niall continues, “I’m really sure you didn’t want to meet with me to talk about dyeing my hair and I don’t want this to last long because I might do something like—like kick you in the fucking crotch.” _And kiss your lips raw_ , he didn’t add.

 

   “Right, I’m sorry, I just…” Zayn looks so hesitant and Niall just wants to fuck him hard on this table already. “I wanted to tell you why I left.”

 

   “Oh, so the fucker has a reason for leaving,” Niall says in an annoyed laugh, “afuckingmazing.”

 

   “Hey, stop acting like I don’t have the _right_ reason to leave, alright? Just fucking hear me out.”

 

   Niall leans back into his chair and fold his arms across his chest, aiming to look intimidating at best, adorable at worse. He gestures for Zayn to go on.

 

   “I left because I love you and—“

 

   “You _left me_ because you _love me_? How fucking absurd is that—“

 

   “—And I’m scared of getting too attached okay? You were young, hell, you’re still in _uni_ for fuck’s sake and I don’t want to scare you by telling you I—“

 

   “Telling me what?” Niall is now slumped in his seat, frustrated, defeated and heartbroken.

 

   “Telling you I don’t want you to leave me; that I want to start an actual life with you because I love you so fucking much but we’re young and I know how you are and I’m scared of you leaving me—“

 

   “That’s bullshit, okay? If you did love me you wouldn’t have thought that because I wouldn’t have minded!”

   “Look, Ni, I’m sorry,” Zayn pleads.

 

   Niall is breathing heavily now. Too many things are going on in his head right now, he is honest to God having a hard time keeping up with it. He clenches his hands into fists and stands, slamming his hands into the table while doing so. This night isn’t going the way he wanted it to be and he suddenly more tired than angry. He takes one heavy breath and looks Zayn straight in the eye.

 

   “I don’t want this anymore, okay? Just leave me alone. I need space.”

 

   And with that, he left Zayn.

-

   Of course, Zayn does not leave him alone and of course, Niall tries to ignore him until on the fifth week, he can’t stand it anymore.

-

   The cold January air bites at Niall’s exposed skin as he makes his way to a flat that was once very familiar to him. He shivers into his hoodie, instantly regretting choosing to wear his goddamned hoodie instead of an actual sweater that will surely warm him up. He blows into his hands with an attempt to keep them warm.

 

   He reaches the front door of the flat and he flexes his limbs as if he’s warming up before a game. He shakes his head. He reaches for the door to knock, making it hover above the wooden door before knocking, hesitantly so, three times. No answer. He knocks three times again. He hears a muffled _Alright, alright, I’m coming_ from the other side of the door.

 

   The door finally opens, showing a flustered Louis in a black and white sweater and black skinny jeans. It was obvious he was waiting for someone but whoever it was, it’s obviously not Niall.

 

   He coughs. “Shit, hi Niall, I thought you were Harry.”

 

Niall stops breathing for a moment. “Harry? Lou, are you dating Harry?”

 

Louis flushed. “Not really dating, more like.” He makes a wanking gesture and oh. “For a while now. Eight months, actually.”

 

   Niall just nods and steps into the warm flat when Louis invites him inside. He immediately heads to the small fireplace to warm himself. “Is Zayn here?”

 

   Louis smirks. Niall wanted to slap that smirk off his face. “Yeah, he’s in his room.”

 

   “Can I talk to him?” Niall says, suddenly feeling nervous. Then, “Please?”

 

   “Sure, uh,” Louis looks nervously at Zayn’s bedroom door. (Niall knows it’s his because he still see the _nh + zm_ written in a permanent marker once. It’s faint but it’s there. Niall smiles.)

 

   “Actually, I’ll just head to Harry’s and annoy the shit out of Liam,” Louis says. “Uh, have fun?”

 

   Niall smiles sheepishly and nods. He can hear the door clicking, telling him Louis has left the flat. He takes out his phone and texts Zayn a quick _get out of ur room rn_ and settles back to the fireplace.

 

   The bedroom creaks open and sleepy Zayn comes out, wearing nothing but a pair of pyjamas. His bare inked chest was exposed for Niall to stare at. He breathes again.

 

   “Hi.”

 

   “Ni, hi, not to be rude but,” Zayn says, rubbing his eyes, “what’re you doing here?”

 

   Niall didn’t answer. Instead, he runs into Zayn and kisses him, making the darker lad grunt in surprise. He kisses Niall back, promptly licking at his lower lip to open him up. Niall obliged and Zayn’s tongue is now shoved inside Niall’s mouth and he tastes like cigarettes and coffee and graphite and Niall loves that taste so much. He loves Zayn so much. Zayn snakes his arms around Niall and flips their position so Niall is now pressed against the door, trapped between Zayn’s arms.

 

   Niall runs a hand through Zayn’s cheekbones, down his neck and finally into his biceps, lightly tracing the tattoos he has come to memorise after shamelessly staring at Zayn after sex. Zayn leans in and kisses Niall once again, sucking at the younger lad’s lower lip. He then lowers his head to suck at Niall’s collarbones and Niall just tugs at Zayn’s hair because he fucking can.

 

   Zayn opens his bedroom door and soon enough, Niall is shoved into the mattress, trousers being pulled down by Zayn. Niall’s hands were shaking as he helps Zayn unbuckle his belt and rip off his flies.

 

   “Jesus, I hate zips,” Zayn pants out.

 

   “Mmm. Impatient.”

 

   “I know you like that.”

 

   When Niall finally got his trousers and boxers and shirt off, Zayn hastily takes off his pyjamas and heads to the bedside table to get a packet of condom and a bottle of lube. Niall’s stomach swoops. It has been a long time since he’s done this and he’s happy he gets to do it with Zayn once again.

 

   Zayn leans down to kiss Niall on the mouth before pulling out and asking, “This okay?”

 

“Zayn, I want you back,” Niall says, tears falling down his eyes. “Shit, Zaynie, I need you, okay? You keep me sane and I just miss you and I’m still in love with you and I—“

 

   “Ni, I wouldn’t be doing this with you if I don’t feel the same way,” Zayn says before leaning down to plant a firm kiss on Niall’s lips. It felt safe, secure, sweet, passionate and it’s all Niall could really ask for.

 

   Niall nods as he lets Zayn manhandle him. The older lad flips him over so he’s on his stomach now. He hears the cap of the bottle of lube open and hears a _squirt_ and Niall had to bury his face into the pillows to hide his smile because he is just _so damn happy_. Zayn asks _Ready?_ and Niall nods because he has been waiting for this for four months.

 

   He feels Zayn’s first finger in his hole, sleek with lube and he’s already moaning at that. Zayn finally pushes it in, finding Niall’s prostate fast. Niall moans and taps Zayn’s bicep to tell him he’s ready for the second finger. Zayn obliges and slips a second one, rubbing his prostate. Niall’s cock is throbbing in hardness now, pre-come squirting off the tip. Zayn finally slides a third finger in and Niall could come to the feel of Zayn’s skinny fingers inside him.

 

   “Want you…need you to f-fuck me, Zayn,” Niall gasps.

 

   “Impatient,” Zayn teases, briefly licking Niall’s earlobe. His cock hardens more. Zayn finally positions their bodies so that the tip of his cock is _just touching_ Niall’s entrance. Niall groans impatiently just Zayn pushes himself in and Niall _moans_. It feels great, he feels full and Niall moans into the pillows.

 

   The night went on with them making love (because Zayn had insisted it was making love). And now they are sprawled naked in Zayn’s bed, their limbs tangled in a beautiful mess. Niall is lazily nosing at Zayn’s neck while Zayn strokes at Niall’s arms. Niall looks up and their lips meet in a lazy and sloppy kiss.

 

   “So is tonight a yes then?” Zayn asks once they pull back for air. “Are we—do you want me back then?”

 

   “Z, there was never a day that I never wanted you, okay?” Niall says, sucking at Zayn’s jaw with the hopes of leaving a love bite that will stay for days. “I’ve always wanted you.”

 

   Zayn laughs. _God_ , Niall missed that laugh. “Guess I can finally suck you off every morning then.”

 

   Niall smacks him lightly and makes up with a kiss. “You can suck me off all the time, love.”

 

   “I’m so glad we did this, Ni. I’m so glad you came.”

 

   “I’m so glad you won’t stop bugging me, to be honest. I love you.”

 

   Zayn shifts in his position so they’re now spooning. Niall can feel Zayn’s hot breath against the back of his neck and he shivers with delight. “I love you, too. And just…I want you for the rest of my life.”

 

   “Hmm. Clingy.”

 

   Zayn chuckles and it sends a sensation down Niall, making his cock twitch once more. “You like clingy.”

 

   “Yeah, maybe I do. Or maybe I just like you.” Niall gets up and pins Zayn down into the bed. He leans down and kisses his boyfriend. He leads his lips into the hollow of Zayn’s collarbones, past his abs and down into his hipbone. Zayn moans above as Niall takes the tip of Zayn’s cock into his mouth. “Now I’ll suck you off, yeah?”

 

   “God, I fucking love you.”

 

   And yeah, Niall’s glad Zayn hadn’t stopped calling him.

**Author's Note:**

> sorry it felt kinda rushed ? concrit is is always appreciated! and as to why niall had a bunch of tuxes, this was supposed to be a non au fic but ended up otherwise. thank you for even reading this omg you're the best (also i may or may not make a prequel for this)


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